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Seed Blog is written by various authors that attend Seed. To find out more about the author, to read more posts by that author, or to visit their personal blog, please click on the author’s name.
What Would Jesus Do?
By Christy Rood Thursday, February 26th, 2009
I was flipping through the channels a few nights ago, and caught the tail end of the show Wife Swap. If you’re not familiar with the show, I’ll spare you the details, but each show ends with the lessons learned by all involved. On this show, one wife decided that she was setting a bad example for her daughters, who only saw her “doing dishes”, and not finding ways to fulfill her own needs and desires. She was determined, after she went home, to chase her own dreams for a change, and set a better example of a life well lived for her daughters. That got me thinking. Is doing the dishes a bad example to my daughters? Is making dinners, vacuuming, doing the laundry and scrubbing the tub in front of them going to perpetuate a negative stereotype of women? Should I just let the housework pile up and go get a job to teach my daughters that domestication is not all there is to life?
Too many girls my age are in complete angst because their moms tried to “elevate” the role of women by proving themselves in the job force. Today’s moms who stay home feel they are not living up to their potential. But, if they work, they feel guilty for leaving their children in the care of others. So what is the best example of godly womanhood for our daughters?
Jesus invites us to “…learn of me, for I am gentle and humble in heart…” Christ is the perfect example for men and women alike, but since I’m a woman, I most identify with His submission and humility. It wasn’t that He couldn’t rule the world – He was God. It wasn’t that He couldn’t rise to the top of the political and spiritual food chain – He was King of Kings. It wasn’t that He couldn’t be the richest man alive – He owned it all. He just didn’t care to chase the American dream. His entire life was defined by service.
If I’m going to live like Jesus, my tombstone will read, “She served others her whole life, and cared only about the approval of her heavenly Father.” Maybe doing the dishes is setting the right example for our daughters.
→ 6 CommentsTags: bibical mothering, homemaker, wife swap and the christian wife
Just read.
By Kay Bonikowsky Thursday, February 12th, 2009
There has been a lot of pressure in church circles to study the Bible. To dig in and get at the chewy meat. To KNOW more. To come up with a great insight into life. That’s great! But, I’ve realized in the last few weeks that people are cracking under the pressure. The stakes are so high…understanding the deep truths found in the Bible…that many people are saying to themselves, “If I can’t spend time to pull out a nugget of inspiration, then its not worth it. If I’m not feeling inspired by the Word, then reading is a waste of my time.” Hence, America is filled with Christians who ignore their Bibles.
William Tyndale, a 15th century scholar who translated the Bible into modern English, said “a ploughboy with the Bible would know more of God than the most learned ecclesiastic who ignored it.”
And that is the point: knowing and falling into loving life with God, who exposes His personality on the printed pages of the Holy Scriptures.
So lighten up! Just open the pages and read a verse. Then tomorrow, do it again. The same the next day, and the next. The days will become weeks, and before you know it, you will know your Bible and our Creator a little better! You will know how God wants you to behave. You will be comforted by His presence. Your life will be inspired.
“Sunrise and sunset, promise and fulfillment, birth and death, the whole human drama, everything is in this book…It is the Book of Books, Biblia.” – Gabriel Sivan
→ 1 CommentTags: Bible reading, devotions
Seed Church History 2004-2008
By Kay Bonikowsky Tuesday, January 6th, 2009Shown December 28, 2008.
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Envy those who rejoice, correct those who mourn
By Chris Bruno Wednesday, December 17th, 2008One day a friend comes to church glowing, a smile stretched from ear to ear. Without even being asked, he launches into an in-depth story of how he landed the best job of his life, one that would provide his family with more financial resources than he’s ever had. Through his elation, he begins to tell you of the well-deserved trips he plans to take, the debts he plans to pay, and the charities he has already chosen to support. “I can’t believe that God has done this for me! Can you?”
What is YOUR response?
The next day, another friend calls you. Tragedy has hit his home, and he is beside himself with grief and agony, completely unsure of what lies ahead. Tremors of panic rack his words, and brief cracks of doubt are evident in his shaken faith. The fear and anxiety he feels about the future seem to overwhelm him. He asks such questions as: “How could God allow this?” and “Where is God in the midst of this terror?” or “What am I to do?”
What is YOUR response?
No really, what happens, more often than not, in our hearts, as we face these two friends, one in deep agony, the other in extreme elation?
Sadly, I believe we respond like this: To our elated friend, knowing the struggle through which he has come to achieve this job, we may, for a while, be excited for him. “That’s so great!” we respond. “Yep, God is so good to do that for you!” But secretly deep within our hearts, there often rises up a shoot of envy, one that we may never voice outwardly, but says, “Yeah, God is good to you, but what about me?! I’ve been working hard too. God, when is it my turn? Why won’t you show up for me too?”
The real message behind our response, then, is one of envy. Rather than truly participating in our friend’s joy, we remain distant, unable to give the gift mutual rejoicing. Our own disappointment in God’s giving good gifts to others but not to us drives us away from a place of mutuality.
To the friend in desperation, we might indeed feel the pain and terror with him for a while, and even seek to comfort and aid him as best we can. But often we find ourselves trying to spiritualize, analyze or rationalize away the pain. Before our hearts are drawn into a place of despair and darkness along with his, we fight for intellectual control over our hearts by attempting to explain God’s place and reasons. We defend God’s character, affirming that He is indeed good, and that “surely He knows what He is doing. This is all part of His plan, though we may not see that now.” In so doing, we form barriers around our own hearts like spiritual dikes designed to hold back the floodwaters of grief. “God works in mysterious ways.”
The real message behind our words, then, is one of correction. We are in essence chiding our friend’s despair, not giving it space to exist while we attempt to exterminate it with “right thinking.” In essence we condemn it as disbelief that can be comforted or corrected with doctrinal truths designed to inoculate the pain. To his question of “how could God allow this?” we answer, “Who are we to question God? Everything He does is good and right, so change your despair into submission to His sovereign plan.”
Envy those who rejoice, correct those who mourn. How has it come to this?
Many of us are familiar with the following passage from Scripture:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.”
Romans 12:15
Why is something stately so simply so incredibly difficult to do? What does it mean to rejoice with another? What does it mean to mourn with another?
I believe our failure in both of these realms is primarily a theological one. What I mean by this is that we have misunderstood God’s heart for us as we are commanded to rejoice and mourn with others. From the moment we pick up the phone and enter into a conversation with our despairing friend, or from the first glance at our rejoicing friend’s smile we have entered into a deeply theological realm designed to bring us closer to the heart of God.
Our first assumption is that the focus of the interaction, (any conversation, as a matter of fact, but for the current argument, let’s stick to these two friends), is on the issue at hand, namely the pain or the elation. Our attention is centered on the earthly place where struggle and triumph exist. However, I would argue that, in order to truly obey the command to rejoice or mourn with others, we may enter closer into the heart of God as we seek to see Him rejoicing or mourning with and for us and our friends.
Yes, God Himself rejoices. He sings over us. He seeks us. He smiles. As our Father, He loves to give good gifts to His children. As an earthly father rejoices when his son makes the 3-point hoop or his daughter perfectly graces the ballet stage, He loves to see our smiles. So when we see goodness and passionate pursuit of His children on earth, we may catch a precious glimpse of His fatherly heart. Rather than respond to our elated friend with envy, we may instead ask to see God’s elation – how is HE rejoicing right now in this situation? What does His face look like right now as he hears my friend’s joy? What does His laughter sound like? How does hearing about this gift exalt my view of God and his giving heart? In so doing, the conversation becomes an interaction not only with my friend, but also with God Himself. God becomes the focus, and the temptation to envy my friend practically disappears as I have entered into communion with God through the joy of my friend. I am now truly rejoicing, because I have entered God’s joy in being a good God, and am basking in the glory of His smile. Pure joy.
And yes, God Himself mourns. He weeps over us. He agonizes. He sheds tears. As our Father, He is well aware of our pain and suffering. He Himself has experienced that pain in ways that we will never come close to comprehending. The tragedy and agony of our lives have not escaped divine notice, but rather have so moved Him to enter our loss personally. He is not afraid of our despair, and He can handle our doubt. He is not threatened by our questions, but rather identifies with our grief with holy tears. As an earthly father weeps with the pain and fears of his earthly children, so too God weeps with us. Rather than respond to pain with feeble attempts to correct our thinking, we may instead ask to see God’s agony – how is HE weeping right now in this situation? What tears is He shedding with my friend? How is His countenance as He sits with this grief? And how may we grasp His love for us all the more as we experience His sorrow as well? We are brought into the tearful mourning of God Himself, a place of truly intense love for us. I am now truly mourning, because the Great Divine also weeps at pain, loss and brokenness.
In our friend’s elation or pain, we too receive a gift from God – a deeper glimpse into His heart for us. That same God who rejoices with them also rejoices over me. That same God who weeps with them also weeps with me. There is then a great freedom to rejoice or mourn – neither threatens us. Rather, they draw us closer to God Himself.
So the next time you either encounter a rejoicing or mourning friend, or you yourself have a season in either of these two places, consider allowing yourself to stay there in obedience of God’s command. Truly rejoice, because HE rejoices. Truly mourn, because HE mourns. If He’s ok with it, you can be too.
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Wife Aggro
By Kay Bonikowsky Monday, December 8th, 2008
Wife Aggro. For the non-gamers, I will explain. Wife aggro is the term used when a wife becomes irritated with and aggressive toward her husband’s chosen activity. This hostile behavior can be expressed with sour looks, whining, revenge, nagging, yelling tirades, tears, pouting or cold shoulders. Although a gaming term, wife aggro is provoked by any number of spouse activities: football, golf, smoking, laying around, hanging out with friends, playing video games, gambling, even car washing! Any activity she doesn’t like or deem “right” can become a big red button of rage.
Since I am a wife, hence a woman, I’m going to harp on you girls. Shame on you! Shame on me! Contentious, combative behavior has no place anywhere in our marriages, no matter what the circumstance.
No amount of nagging, pouting or shouting will transform your husband into your ideal.
Proverbs says that a wife who shames her husband is like bone cancer. She is deadly. Her goal, whether she recognizes it or not, is to cause pain and destroy her husband. If God says rotten bones are the result of reproaching your husband, how can you think nagging will improve him? Proverbs describes the argumentative, harping wife much like the winter weather we get here in Seattle…gray and drippy wet. How can something so depressing transform your husband into Prince Charming? More likely you are going to end up with an ogre! Proverbs also says a husband would rather sleep on the sofa than be around wife aggro. Your aggressive behavior will drive him away, not endear him to you. When confronted with wife aggro, the husband will choose either fight or flight.
Proverbs 27 says that a complaining, nagging woman is unrestrainable. It is easier to harness a tornado. She is out of control. How hopeless a husband who is faced with this must feel? You may be convincing him not to change, but to avoid you. Instead of motivating him to do what you want, you are sucking the life from him and pointing him toward depression. Complaining about your spouse’s behavior will only succeed in wrecking your marriage, not improving it.
You married a man, not a child. Treat him like one.
Yes, even when you think he is acting childish, treat him like a man. What does this mean?
You don’t need to tell him right from wrong. He knows. He can decide for himself. Let him.
A man has responsibilities. This means when he does not fulfill his responsibilities, he has consequences to face. He is strong enough to face them, and will rise to the challenge. When you take over those responsibilities, he is no longer a man, but a child that you are picking up after.
You talk at a child to teach him when he is wrong, you talk with a man to understand him. Try assuming he is always right. Yes, I know you all burst into loud laughter at that thought, but really, what will it hurt but your pride to try it for a month or so? When he realizes that you expect him to be right, he will weigh his actions differently. Don’t agree to disagree, agree. I’m telling you, this is the quickest way to finding your Prince Charming. And, listening to him explain a birdie or why he chose a rogue over a warrior will transform you into his beautiful princess!
God is on your side…when you are on His.
We all live with men we want to improve. And, we all have an idea of what that improvement should look like. After all, it is much easier to see his faults than our own. But if you believe me when I say that no amount of nagging, pouting or shouting will transform your husband into your ideal, then you may be wondering if there is any hope at all to seeing change in this man you’ve vowed to enjoy for the rest of your life! There is!
Wives, God wants your husband to be righteous (live in the right way) more than you do! That puts God on your side! And that places your hope in the right place; not on your man, but on God. That also motivates a different kind of behavior in you. 1 Peter says that holy women in the past placed their confidence in God, and then made themselves beautiful for their husbands by putting their husband’s desires first. They found out what their husbands wanted and then got behind it. But notice, their confidence (or hope) was properly placed before they changed their behavior.
A woman who places her confidence in her husband is asking for misery, because most men (and women) will mess up. When a husband fails, a woman who placed all her hope on him, will be devastated and will become bitter. But, a woman who trusted that God will care for her and is working all things toward the best end, will find forgiveness easy to give and will worry less for her future. She is able to support her husband, even in his failure, because her strength is in God.
Let me explain how this looked in my marriage.
My husband’s dream early in our marriage was to own a successful small business. This meant he had to raise money that we did not have. Well, I worried. How would we pay it back if the business failed? Is it right to borrow so much? The old adage, “Neither borrower nor lender be…” echoed round and round. I nagged him about it. I questioned him countless times about the rightness of it. I did not support his decisions. Then, I woke one night sweating and panicking, terrified of the life of debt he was leading us into. A verse whispered to me from my memory, “When I am afraid, I will trust.” And that was my rebuke and my salvation. I did not trust God enough to obey my husband in a beautiful way. That night I confessed my doubts and proved my faith in God by supporting my husband’s efforts and working my ass off however I could to ensure success. My fear evaporated and so did my wife aggro.
Let God do the changing. Don’t get in the way.
God wants my husband to be godly more than I do. But, the change did not happen in a comfortable way. What change does? For us, change only happened through a failed business and many years of paying off debt. But in the trials, godliness began to take shape. I noticed my husband learning lessons with humility. And surprisingly, so was I. When I stopped being a disagreeable, nagging wife, I was opening the door for God to change my husband for me.
Many times, it takes failure or bad consequences to prod us into changing. As wives, we fear God spanking our husbands because we know it will hurt us too! So we nag and warn and try to motivate them to change without letting God simply bust in and do some discipline, if that is what it takes.
If you are a Christian wife who recognizes you are giving your husband wife aggro, will you begin to trust God and learn to be beautiful by getting behind your husband’s desires instead of blasting them? God will bless you both when you do.
