Supporting a Post-Divorce Marriage
By Tim Ellis | October 22, 2008
A friend of mine recently asked my opinion on whether or not Christians should support a brother or sister in Christ that is getting married after their first spouse divorced them despite their desire to reconcile.
This is what I shared with my friend, based on what I consider to be common sense and a general understanding of the nature of God.
God is love, and as such, wants only the best for His children. For God to have a rule that says “if you get married, then your spouse totally turns on you and breaks the marriage bond and vows… well sorry, you’re out of luck,” I cannot reconcile that as being loving.
When you are married, you and your spouse make vows to love, honor, protect, etc… as long as you live. When one spouse decides to break those vows and dissolve the marriage over the objections of the other, how can the unwilling spouse continue to keep their vow? Obviously they can’t. The vows have been broken by the divorcing spouse, and that’s it, they’re broken, no matter what the other spouse does.
I think Jesus was very clear that divorce simply should not happen, period.
It was said, ‘WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
(Matthew 5:31-32, NASB)
Paul reiterates this as well:
But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
(1 Corinthians 7:10-11, NASB)
Notice though that Jesus’ statement that “everyone who divorces his wife… makes her commit adultery…” doesn’t depend on any action on behalf of the wife. But is he really saying that if a husband divorces his wife, she is now immediately guilty of the sin of adultery, regardless of her own actions (i.e. – whether she remarries or not)?
Reading it that way doesn’t seem to make any sense to me. What I think is more likely is that he was using extreme language to illustrate just how awful God views divorce, as opposed to laying down some sort of specific rule regarding divorce.
The surrounding context of that same passage seems to support this view. For example, was Jesus literally encouraging his followers to physically tear out their eyes in verse 29? Or does verse 22 really 18mean that uttering the words “you fool” is a one-way express ticket to Hell? I don’t think so.
I think that the passages that talk about divorce are trying to get across a pretty basic point: God hates divorce. I don’t think they’re laying down some sort of cryptic and illogical code that permanently shackles the innocent victim of a divorce to a lifetime of solitude, because frankly, I don’t think that fits with God’s nature.
I would have no personal problem supporting the marriage of someone that was the unwilling victim of a divorce in the past.
In addition, you also have to consider these words of Jesus as well:
Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.
(Luke 17:3-4, NASB)
Which would seem to me to indicate that even if the person in question were the one responsible for the divorce, if they have repented and asked for the forgiveness, God has forgiven them and we should as well.
That’s my $0.02 anyway.
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