Book Review of Don’t Make Me Count To Three: A Mom’s Look at Heart-Oriented Discipline by Ginger Plowman

By Christy Rood | August 20, 2008

A parenting book for moms!

This short, practical parenting book follows the thoughts of Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp, and The Heart of Anger and Teach Them Diligently by Lou Priolo. These books are, in fact, acknowledged at the beginning of Plowman’s book, as being pivotal in her parenting style and her teaching. However, this book is from a mom’s perspective, which makes it appealing to a fellow mom like me. Another difference I found in Plowman’s book from the others mentioned, was her use of practical advice through personal stories and plausible scenarios.

You want change to start in the heart

The book is divided into three sections – “Reaching the Heart of Your Child”, “How to Give a Biblical Reproof” and “The Biblical Use of the Rod” – with four chapters accompanying each section. After an introductory chapter filled with humorous first-person accounts on the high calling of motherhood, Plowman dives into the topic of discipline. She uses a whole chapter to define discipline biblically as a change in behavior stemming from a change of heart. Plowman states the tendency for most Christian parents to focus on behavior correction, and ignore real heart change.

In order for us to reach the hearts of our children, we must realize that there is far more to parenting than getting our children to act right. We have to get them to think right, and to be motivated out of a love of virtue rather than a fear of punishment. (pg. 26)

What are they thinking?

The solution to the problem is found in the next chapter, entitled, “Drawing out Issues of the Heart.” Using Jesus as her example, Plowman states that “the most productive form of communication is learning to draw out the thoughts of another.” (pg. 36) Then, she gives several examples of how to do this with your children, for the purpose of allowing both parent and child to understand what is at the root of the child’s misbehavior. The last paragraph of the chapter lists three issues to walk your children through as part of helping them to think like Christians. “1) What was the nature of the temptation? 2) How did he respond to the temptation? 3) What other ways could he have responded that would have been better?” (pg. 44-45) The following chapter offers the next step in the discipline process, which is “Training Children in Righteousness”. Plowman uses the biblical principle of putting off and putting on (Eph. 4:22-24), and applies it to parenting. She asserts that if you only punish for wrong behavior, but never teach right behavior, you will frustrate your children. After the discipline for wrong behavior is administered, Plowman suggests that you walk your children through the right behavior. This is followed by several examples of how to do this in your parenting.

Your words matter

The next 4-chapter section focuses on biblical reproof. Plowman states, “God has ordained two primary methods for parents to train their children in wisdom. They are the rod…and reproof.” (pg. 57) (Prov. 29:15) The first chapter, “Taming the Tongue”, emphasizes the necessity of pairing discipline with verbal instruction. “Discipline without instruction will exasperate and lead to anger.” (pg. 59) Several scenarios are then offered as examples of how to teach effectively in the moment. The next chapter, entitled “The Power of God’s Word”, is filled with verses to use (including a chart) for each offense, in order to saturate your children’s minds from an early age with the truths of scripture. Chapter 7 deals with how to manage the manipulating child by not allowing them to continue in their folly. The last chapter in this section sets guidelines for verbal correction which include examining our motives and life, choosing the right moment, words and tone of voice, and being prepared to suggest a biblical solution.

Spanking

Part three, “The Biblical Use of the Rod”, is an unapologetic call for today’s parents to trust God and administer corporal punishment when necessary, in order to drive folly from our children. (Prov. 22:15) Chapter 9 explains current unbiblical worldly methods used in place of the rod. In chapter 10, Plowman assures parents that the biblical model does work, then offers excuses that many parents give for not spanking their children, as well as the biblical answers to those excuses. She finishes the chapter by noting reasons that spanking does NOT work (lack of consistency, persistence, effectiveness and righteousness). The next two chapters deal with setting a high standard of obedience, and when it is appropriate to administer the rod. The book ends with 3 appendices – “How to Become a Christian”, “How to Lead Your Child to Christ”, and “How to Pray for Your Child.”

I recommend this book

This book reminded me to look beyond my children’s misbehavior to the issues of their hearts. I was challenged to turn every wrong action into a teachable moment for my kids, and to think beyond their short 2 and 3 years of life to how I’m shaping their adolescence and adulthood. The principle of teaching children the right response after disciplining them for the wrong was also thought-provoking for me, and I’ve begun to practice this with my kids with great results. Plowman’s chapters on the rod were timely for me, as I had become inconsistent and had noticed the effects of my inconsistency. The chapter on the power of God’s Word in verbal instruction was challenging as well, although there may have been a slight imbalance toward reliance on the words themselves, rather than the Holy Spirit to transform the heart. Having said this, I whole-heartedly recommend this book to parents of young children, and will pass it on to every mom I know!

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